What is Codependency?
When you think of a healthy relationship, what words or phrases would you use to describe it?
Strong communication, trust, and respect may come to mind. You may have even thought of commitment, kindness, and compromise. These are all amazing qualities of a healthy relationship.
Another quality of a healthy relationship is independence. Even though you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re two completely different individuals with your own beliefs, wants, and needs; a sense of independence is still very important.
Let’s learn more about codependency and why this is not a sign of a healthy relationship.
What is Codependency?
Codependency is one of the many forms of an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship. In a codependent relationship, there isn’t a sense of balance between giving and taking or compromise between the partners. One partner tends to always sacrifice their own wants and needs to fulfill their partner’s wants and needs. The person who consistently gives themself may only feel good about themselves if they feel like they’re being helpful or are needed. On the other hand, the taker in the relationship must maintain a sense of control with their partner.
The Cause
There isn’t one specific cause for becoming codependent. Codependency is often learned through childhood. It’s a learned behavior that a child can observe from their primary caregiver while growing up. Parenting style is also a contributing factor. Parents who tend to take the reigns or control their children as a way to protect their children can actually hinder their children from gaining the confidence in themselves to become independent. Attachment styles, self-esteem, and negative life experiences are also factors in the development of codependency.
The Signs of Codependency
These are some of the most common signs of codependency:
Defending your partner’s actions or behaviors.
Experiencing the feelings or mood that your partner is feeling due to disregarding your own emotions and feelings.
Failure to acknowledge the negative traits or red flags that your partner shows.
Fear of causing a fight with your partner.
Little interest in people or activities that don’t involve your partner.
Lying or making excuses for your partner.
Not wanting to speak up for yourself or your own wants and needs.
Placing the blame on yourself instead of your partner.
Wanting to fix your partner.
How to Break the Codependency
While it may not be easy, breaking that codependent relationship and forming the behaviors for a healthier relationship moving forward is possible. There are certain lifestyle changes that you can make to work on improving your confidence so that you can begin to prioritize yourself and your own wants and needs. Here are a few ways that you can work towards improving your self-esteem:
Improve your communication skills
Learn more about your attachment style
Practice self-care
Set boundaries, communicate them to your partner, and stick to them
Set goals for yourself, personally and professionally
Take the time to research and educate yourself on codependency
Next Steps
No matter if you want to try to work with your partner on trying to improve your existing relationships or if you realize that you want to move forward on your own, without your partner, help is available to you. You’re not expected to figure this out all on your own. We’re here to help you learn more about your codependent behaviors, help you work through improving your communication and self-esteem, and allow you to move forward and take back control over your life again. Breaking the cycle of codependency is completely possible. Reach out to us today to set up an initial consultation.