Therapy not Working?
Therapy is a great way to improve your mental health and improve your life. But it can feel disappointing if you’ve been going to therapy and haven’t seen the results you hoped for. Have you been going to therapy, but feel like it’s not helping?
There’s a common misconception that just by talking to your therapist during the session, you’ll be magically cured. While talk therapy is incredibly helpful on its own, the work doesn’t end when the session ends.
Therapy isn’t over when the session is over.
If you plan to see your therapist again, be prepared for the next session. This doesn’t mean actual studying or homework, but it can be helpful between sessions to think about what you talked about during the session and how it applies to your life. It can also be helpful to write down things that happen or emotions you felt so you can remember them in your next session.
To really get the most out of therapy, sometimes you will have “homework.” This isn’t like the type of homework you get at school. It’s practical things, like “write down how you feel each day,” or “introduce yourself to someone new.” If your therapist asks you to do something you don’t feel ready for, you can ask for something more manageable. Remember, just like learning a new sport, learning a new skill takes practice.
It’s not just talk.
It’s common to think all therapy is just about talking it out, but you’ll actually learn useful strategies, skills, and techniques to use in the real world. Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist to explain concepts again or to take notes about helpful techniques. These are things you want to be able to remember, so it’s OK to treat them as such! Therapy is about empowering you and preparing you to live on your own and apply what you’ve learned in therapy to every day life. When challenges and struggles arise, you’ll be equipped to handle them because of what you learned in therapy. It takes practice, patience, and persistence!
You’re Not Stuck With the First Therapist You Try
If you’ve been meeting with your therapist for a while and still aren’t seeing any benefit, it’s time to reevaluate. It may be that you just need to open up more… Or it might not be a great fit. You might really like your therapist as a person, but your sessions haven’t been helping you with a particular problem. Even a really good therapist might not be the best therapist for you. Every therapist has different specialties and style. Don’t be afraid to switch therapists if it seems like you need a different approach.
Long-Term Therapy
Most people need more than a few sessions to get the full benefit of therapy. It’s common to see a therapist regularly for several months or even years. Your therapist will work with you to determine the best option for you.
You’re going to feel feelings.
What we mean by this is don’t be surprised if you feel embarrassed or awkward, if you laugh or you cry. We all have different responses to therapy. It’s not uncommon to just burst into tears with relief, just having someone you can be fully honest with. Therapy is the perfect place to feel your feelings, so just go with it.
Go with the feeling.
If you feel like crying or laughing or burying your face in a pillow, therapy is a place you can do that. Like I said earlier, feel your feelings! It’s a great way to process your emotions, and your therapist will help you navigate them.
It’s OK to change your mind.
If you’re uncomfortable with the direction your therapy is going, or with your therapist, it’s OK to ask questions, to share your opinion, and even to find a different therapist. Before you change therapists though, remember that therapy is often uncomfortable. Your therapist will challenge you so you can grow. If that’s what you’re experiencing, share that feeling with your therapist.
If you feel uncomfortable being yourself or sharing everything, tell your therapist.
This information is helpful to them. Knowing how you tick can often give them the information they need to help you.
Set personal boundaries around your therapy.
If you’re the kind of person who shares a lot, it’s good to set up some boundaries around therapy. It may seem harmless to share with your partner or best friend everything you talk about in therapy, until the time comes when you talk about that person in therapy. Decide in advance how you want to address it.
Know that sometimes, therapy will be hard.
Some days you’ll leave therapy beaming, but other days, you might leave therapy feeling emotionally vulnerable, sad, or upset. That’s part of the process. Try to schedule therapy at a time when you’ll be able to decompress after your session is finished.
Focus on the session.
Get payments and scheduling out of the way first, and then don’t look at the clock. Your therapist will manage the time. All you need to do is the work: feel and share. Remember why you are there, what your goals are, and to be honest with yourself and the therapist. Be present and mindful. If you’re having a difficult time with that, tell your therapist!
Therapy won’t tell you the answers.
A good therapist is a guide, not a guru. It’s tempting to ask a therapist, “what should I do?” but a therapist is meant to help you come to those answers yourself, not answer the question for you. That can feel frustrating in the beginning, but in the end, it’s empowering. You’ll gain confidence in yourself and learn how to trust your instincts.
Be patient. Be curious.
Therapy takes time and it takes a willingness to be open. Like playing a video game, you’ll probably reach certain levels where it takes a few tries, or it’s frustrating, or it’s not quite what you thought it would be. But sticking around helps us unlock things we didn’t even know we were looking for.
Celebrate your accomplishments!
Be proud that you started therapy, even if it didn’t work out with your first therapist or wasn’t what you expected. As you go through life, remember what therapy has taught you and use those in between sessions. Therapy doesn’t give you all of the answers, but empowers you to look within yourself for those answers. If you still have questions about how to make the most out of therapy or ready to get started, I offer teletherapy (online mental health therapy) to those living in Florida and internationally. Learn more about my services or schedule an appointment. I look forward to hearing from you!